e[lust] #49

cheekyminx Photo courtesy of Love Hate Sex Cake

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #50? Start with the newly updated rules, come back September 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A pill for that?

When I Get Annoyed, Shit Happens.

The Dildo Wars- Dildology & Doc Johnson

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Sense, Sensibility and Censorship

Triggers, Asses and Subby Places.

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

There is no Freedom Without Risk

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Blogging

Decisions, Decisions….
Voyeurism Rant About Blogger/WordPress & Host

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS OFFENSIVE
Beautiful Rope Work – Easier than you think
Kinky Assumptions
As I promised…a singletail video!
Bootblacking
Chronic Fatigue and BDSM
NSA BDSM: Failure and Success
Supporting your dominant’s dominance
How to Get Your Boyfriend to Spank You

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Rabbit Vibrators: How to measure for fitting
Acting! Thank You!
TItty Fucking
What’s Wrong With Sexy Scientists?

Erotic Non-Fiction

Keep Me Nasty
No Safewords
Being on the Ropes
The Lead Up
My Birthday Spankings#BirthdaySpankingsforRei
More Like An Earthquake
Lessons
Stag at a sex party
A Fan of Fans
Let the rain come
Gangbang Club
The Polka-Dot Dress
Dinner for Two

Erotic Fiction

The (Not So) Innocent
Master’s Bad Day
When She Comes
Summer Storm
Lolita Twenty-Thirteen, Part Seven
Eight Ball
A Hole in the Pack

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

He hears me.
Why Doesn’t She Respond to Cunnilingus?
I Don’t Rape.
5 Reasons Straight Men Fear MFM Threesomes
Cap D’Adge and swinging
Boys & Their Toys
Anal Sex is Motherf***ing Awesome
Words of Wisdom
Seeing Red


elustbutton200

Thoughts on: A Hole in the Pack

I am absolutely delighted to have a piece that I am totally pleased with, finally.

David’s tale is very simple, and really doesn’t fit the proper definition of a ‘story’ (there is no conflict, no climatic confrontation, etc); it’s much more a very long vignette of what happened the weekend David became a member of the family.

And I love it.

Werewolves have always been one of my favorite fantasy creatures. They fascinate me on so many levels. The more wolf-like they are, the more I’m drawn in, but even the werewolves that are mostly pure monster are fun. So when I started writing these kinky fantasies, it was a given that I would include werewolves some how. But how was the question. Werewolves just don’t fit in the standard dom/sub or sadist/masochist tale. They are a combination of humans and wolves, two highly social mammals. They run in packs.

Leather families were an obvious way to take a werewolf tale and make it kinky. Sadly, I was rather guessing as to what my leather family might look like, since I know relatively little about leather. While I’ve met members of a few leather families over the years, I didn’t get to know them well enough to learn much about their households (none of my business unless they choose to share, after all) and internet research was as useful as it ever is.

So I tried to keep it fairly generic, family-of-choice with an internal hierarchy, and ran with it. A few responses suggest that the family came out as well as the story as a whole.

I have a particular fondness for David. Possibly because he’s such a nice departure from a different character that has haunted my life for about a year now. The novel length fiction I’ve been working on also has as a main character a man who has been drawn into hierarchical household without knowing what he is getting into. There are quite a few differences in the background (David wants to be part of his family even if he doesn’t fully know what he is getting into, Mattin joins Jahleen’s household out of sheer desperation), but they approach it so differently. I like Mattin, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have spent so long on his story, but David’s bravado, the way he turns his embarrassment and nervousness into humor and strength, makes him one of my all time favorite characters to date.

And as I’ve said elsewhere a time or two, I love a brat.

There is a good possibility we’ll be seeing more of the wolf pack in the future. Hell, there’s at least a half dozen members who didn’t even get their names mentioned this time out, some of whom will not be shy about demanding a story of their own in the future. (And Ben, you can sit down and put a cock in it. I’ll get around to you when I’m good and ready.)

I hope you enjoyed reading A Hole in the Pack as much as I enjoyed writing it.

 

I’m not sure why the poll isn’t showing up right, but until I can sort out the coding, feel free to leave your vote in the comments or <a href=”http://poll.pollcode.com/9brxz”>vote here</a>.

September’s Story Should Feature:
 
 
 
pollcode.com free polls 

Thoughts on I Vant to Suck Your…

Has anyone else ever wondered about the relationship between accepted forms of hierarchy and D/s? What is the difference between the long-haul enlisted soldier who is most comfortable in a strictly regulated lifestyle where there are rules regarding how to eat, sleep and piss and a clearly defined chain of command, and those submissives who are most comfortable with a strictly regulated lifestyle where their are rules regarding how to eat, sleep and piss and a clearly defined chain of command?

I’m not saying all submissives do, or should, feel this way. But those that do certainly exist. More and more I think that the military, as the one of the last socially accepted hierarchies, in some ways is a giant leather family.

It’s interesting, that sadism and masochism have histories going back centuries, but you don’t find much about the love of submission or love of domination. Maybe that is because before the world got on this “Everyone MUST be equal” kick, hierarchies were just a normal part of life, so people didn’t need go to socially unacceptable extremes to seek one out. Obviously, how easy it was to be at the top or bottom of those hierarchies had a great deal to do with your social class and assumed gender. But those who were lucky and fought hard enough could make their way to the top of one or more hierarchies even if they were born on the bottom.

I Vant to Suck Your… doesn’t match the usual expectations of a D/s story. You could argue that it isn’t D/s at all. But Marcus was adrift and lost int he world without someone worthy of his obedience, and Chuck has the instinct to command and dominate. Just because their drive to dominate or submit is expressed in terms of the military doesn’t take away that inherent need.

For anyone who is wondering: yes, I am aware that a Roman legionnaire would not have the same rituals, responses and habits as a modern soldier. I allowed myself some artistic license for the sake of clarity and simplicity in a short story. Plus, if the US Marines training and tactics was (as I have been told) modeled off the Roman legions, then there is at least some institutional relationship. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Apologies for the very rough nature of this piece. I enjoyed the story, but after three weeks of staring at it non-stop, I reached the point where I couldn’t stand to even look at it anymore. Eventually I’ll go back and clean up the nasty typos and all. But for now I’m off to play with werewolves.

Thoughts on Fealty – Rape and the role of fiction

Fealty is not a story I am comfortable with. Fealty is probably not what you think it is. Fealty is a rape story concealing itself as a romance.

Alright, to be fair, there is nothing concealed about the abduction part. Myrtle acted from love and good intentions, but never makes any claims to having acted morally. She abducted Eryk, and makes no bones about it. She made the only decision she could live with, while recognizing and accepting that Eryk might never forgive her for it. Moral? Maybe not. Willing to accept responsibility for her actions? Definitely. Non-consensual? Hell, yes.

The rape. I’m willing to bet that 90% of the people who read this don’t see it as a rape story. After all, she gives him a chance to say no, right?

Right, she gives the man who is tied up, at her mercy, and stuck in an ethical conflict she knows she created a chance to say no, after she physically molests him.

Of course, Eryk wants her to rape him. He wants her to take that decision from him. A desire that many kinky folks are familiar with. But Myrtle doesn’t know that. Can’t know that – she’s a mage, not a telepath. (And kinky folks please take note – YOU aren’t telepaths either.)

But why does any of this matter? I mean it’s fiction, right? Just a story, just a fantasy. Right?

Well, think about this. Consent is a big deal for me. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, read up on the current insanity ripping through the BDSM community about consent and abuse and picked my side (short version, the more I learn, the more sense maymay makes). And in spite of that, I didn’t realize I had written a rape story until after I published it.

Think about that a minute. Think about how fucked our cultural concept of rape is, that someone can write a rape story and not realize it. Think about how fucked up it is that most of the people reading the story will not realize it is a rape story. This is not okay.

And fiction has a bigger impact on culture, life and behavior than many people realize.

Nearly 20 years ago, I was visiting my cousin’s house when I picked up a book with an image of a long haired man clinging to a white horse on the cover. When Ellen DeGeneres came out, I didn’t understand what the big deal was. Because the story of that man had, without my ever realizing it, taught me the most important lesson about homosexuality (or any sexuality) – people are people, however they fuck (or don’t fuck, as the case may be).

Two years ago, I put down a book by Nora Roberts, and swore I’d never read one of her books again. Why? Because I was tired of ‘seduction’ rape. You know, where the woman says “no” and the man says “You don’t really mean that, you’re just [fill in stupid excuse for ignoring the woman's choice].” Then proceeds to kiss and fondle her until her hormones overwhelm her reason and they have sex. In this particular story, the next day the woman was then blamed by the man, and his family, for seducing the man while keeping secrets from him. Those very secrets being the reason why she was trying to say they shouldn’t have sex.

While I’ve managed to avoid the very disgusting follow up of blaming the victim for the sex they didn’t want to have, I have still written a gender reversed version of the rape that made me walk away from one of my favorite authors. And looking back at the way the fiction I have read has changed my views and influenced my choices, I cannot claim that writing a non-consensual rape scene in a fantasy story meant to include elements of kink doesn’t matter.

Putting a positive spin on despicable things ALWAYS matters.

After some debate, I’ve decided to leave Fealty up. Hopefully, along with this follow up, it will lead to some thought and discussion about what rape really is, the ongoing issues of consent and abuse in the world of kink, and how insidious our own unhealthy ideas about rape can be. And I will definitely be a hell of a lot more aware of my own blind spots when it comes to rape and non-consent in the future.